the blame game.

....so my parents are fighting again. i remember when i was little i'd always get upset and run to my room but now i just get annoyed. how pathetic does that sound. the fact that i don't even give a crap that they're both arguing. ill tell you why i don't care. its rather simple actually. the reason i don't care is because after each one of their fights, no matter what it actually has to do with, they both always end up blaming it on me. always. now i'd by lying if i said it didn't still bother me but i've gotten so used to them blaming every problem and mishap on me throughout the years that it barely phases me now. blaming me for them arguing. blaming me for my brother not accomplishing his homework. blaming me for them hating each other. yup all my fault.

one of these days though...i'm just going to get so fed up with their incessant blame that i'm going to straight up crack and go nuts.

oh the agony of realization....

....ever had one of those times where your not exactly sure what your feeling? a time when you realize something after the fact? something so simple and easy to spot but you don't until your driving around by yourself in the middle of the night because you don't really feel like going home and having reality bite you back in the ass just yet? ever have that feeling overpower you? where that feeling makes the pit in your stomach ache in agony and cause strong disgust to emerge and take over you?

no....

.....your lucky.

Rite of Spring.

you know when it comes to certain songs there is always a subliminal message that is trying to be sent. like with the band Angels and Airwaves. every single one of their songs has some inspirational message. like Rite of Spring for example. for some god for saken reason i adore this song. maybe because it seems so realistic.

"...if i had a chance for another try i wouldn't change a thing its made me all of who i am inside..."

those lyrics...if anythings going to inspire you to do something with your life its going to be something that expresses how even with all these things going on around you, good or bad, they make you who you are. create you into the person you become. sometimes they are bad traits but sometimes they are actually good.....maybe realizing that will make it easier to get through the difficult moments in the long run.

senior year.

so....

its a new school year. senior year to be exact. about a little more then half way through the first semester actually. i decided to make a new blog partly because my previous one mentioned so many of my downfalls and problems i had been dealing with last year AND because it is a new year. i needed a new start for this year and i knew i couldn't do that if every time i logged online i was looking and reading my old blogs. not that this year has been going any better. i'm still stuck in the same situations. trying to get myself to do school work. trying not to let what my parents say take advantage of my emotions. trying not to let my friends get to me. i'm trying to change. and trying is at least doing something more then i originally was doing last year....

...i have changed though...everyone has...
not sure if thats a good thing or not but....im sure ill find out soon enough...

:)

let the blogging begin...